> look archie
He is not short; in fact he is about 7'2" when standing up straight. Neither is his appearance rodent-like. It's his stance. The way he carries himself. He moves smoothly, with a strange air of grace. But it's not feminine grace; it's the kind of grace that means his foot doesn't get caught up with such frivolous concerns as touching the ground for longer than a split second. He doesn't need to look where he's going, he just avoids things. His skin is pale, hinting that he either doesn't tan, or doesn't get much sunlight. He exudes confidence; you can see it in the way he moves. Arrogant footsteps- As if his legs are saying 'Just try it.' An intimidating gait indeed. His build is that of an athlete. Compact strength and speed. His hands are quick and agile, and seem to have special relationship with physics, able to glide through the air without so much of a word from friction. His silvery grey eyes glint with an ever-present smile, and he ahs a set jaw line, coupled with a handsome, rugged face. His features are refined, and his definitively died neon-green hair stays in place with a snobbish resilience, as if it knows he hasn't got time for grooming. Spiked into an assuredly punkish style, short and attractive. Stubble creeps out of his chin rebelliously, black stipples littering his cheek and chin. His teeth are pearl white and free of any form of dental affliction- though his canines seem rather more pointed than average. His eyebrows are neatly trimmed. His ears are pointed at the top in a slightly elfish fashion, though he's never been told that to his face. A jagged scar reigns down his left cheek, obviously not caused by the clean swipe of a blade. Probably from some kind of pub fight. In fact he looks like he has been in a few.
A large black leather trench coat, with metal studs adorning it around the shoulders covers his body on the top layer. A smooth black bowler hat sits on his head, his ears framed in shadow. Beneath that is silk black T-shirt with the words 'Dragon force' emblazoned on the front in clear, bold logo letters. He wears a pair of fingerless leather gloves, paired up with spiky punk wristbands, and a chain around his neck. His ears are a walking advertisement for ear piercing, each one adorned with it's fair share of masculine studs and spikes. Black denim trousers flow into huge death-boots. Large aggressive and well polished. Covered in blunted spike, and with the obligatory steel caps.
Kitty Pryde aighs that's a long desc you got there.
Archie says "It's a good one though."
You say "Possibly. But I have a short attention span, and I'm having a lot of trouble getting through it looking for salient points. Up for some constructive criticism?"
Archie says "yeah, If you think I need it."
Kitty Pryde does, "But not 'cause it's a bad desc. You do a really good job describing attitude as well as physical appearance."
You say "So here:"
You say "You don't have to say what he's /not/, just what he is; don't say what he /does/ even if you're trying to illustrate how he moves; don't stress things through repetition of points; don't describe his expression in the desc unless you really do mean it's an ever-present smile (like, even if someone explodes in front of him and covers him in gore, he's still smiling?); you don't need quite so many emphatic modifiers like 'definitively' and 'assuredly'; don't include things people haven't told him, or even things people /have/ told him; don't speculate in the description as to how he may have gotten injured. In short, you're using *way* too many words."
Archie says "Oh"
Archie says "Ok"
Kitty Pryde can give you an example of your desc in a shorthand style that says just as much, but far more concisely? If you want it, gimme a minute to write it.
Archie says "That would be most welcome"
Kitty Pryde okayse, here:
Spectacularly tall - towering, even - and almost inhumanly graceful, Archie carries himself with an arrogant, smooth nonchalance. His athletic, streamlined frame is complemented by quick, agile hands and a noble bearing, further emphasized by the refinement of his pale features: an angular, precisely delineated jawline, straight nose, high cheekbones, evenly set silver-grey eyes, slightly pointed ears, perfectly white teeth, oddly pointed canines.
Offsetting his natural physical elegance is the attitude toward smug rebellion his choice in grooming and clothing puts forth. His hair is dyed neon green and spiked punkishly, he could generally use a shave, his ears are pierced rather a lot, and there's a jagged scar down his left cheek. He's wearing all black except for the chain around his neck: there's a black silk shirt proclaiming 'Dragon Force' in bold lettering, black jeans, huge black riot boots with spikes on, black fingerless leather gloves and spiked wristbands, a black bowler cocked rakishly on his head, and an enormous black leather trenchcoat.
Archie says "Very helpful, thanks"
You say "Not a bit of it."
Kitty Pryde shrugs. "Hell, if you want, you can just use that. I don't care. :)"
Archie nods
Archie says "it's fine for now, thanks"
Kitty Pryde rocks on. Looks sheepish. "I belong to the 'less is more' school and occasionally have fits of 'fix the world! rarr!'. Sorry. ;)"
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