Gina DC: Continuity Cop

house of the lonely son

there was a sci cop stuck on Braal
depowered as can be
his mouth was full of bitter ash
and head all filled with grief

this man was once a Legionnaire
he kept his flight ring close
and when the time came to back them up
he served the Legion's ghost

'oh dyrk, my friend, we will come back'
the Legion's leader swore
'we'll come for you and you shall have
the job you had before'

but months turned into years on Braal
and never did they call
it took so long the sci cop knew
they'd never come at all

so when at last they disappeared
right from the face of time
young magno swallowed all his hope
and grimly battled crime

and then he stood with all the worlds
his Legion had come from
and watched as time unravelled itself
and knew his wait was done.

you writers, tell your characters
to hide their shining eyes
for when a new team takes your place
the best will be downsized.

I take back almost everything I ever said against Geoff Johns.

Almost.

Because holy shit, against all odds, Smallville got Cos right.

Much more on this later.

Okay, so, since 1999, every time I check the 'canonical'/'mainstream' Legion book out, whatever it's going by, it's WORSE EVERY TIME.

It went a little like this.

1) I thought I picked up Legion, but WHOOPS, it was a ZOMBIE COMIC.
2) Okay, this looks like it might be okay, it-- WOAH WAIT WHAT? You... Zoe is a THINGY and Jeka is a NAGA? And... yo, /lame/, Ra's is a BATMAN villain, you have your OWN epic villains, you could at LEAST have used an ACTUAL immortal and not a cheater. But whatever. Okay. OH SHIT WHAT? Universo is-- no, okay, I disow-- aw shit, you went there. You just pissed on your own continuity with this Superboy/Church of S shit. FOAD. Oh and by the way your art may be critically acclaimed but all your faces look the same. Stupid /stupids/. And your characterization is for shit. You are not Warren Ellis writing the Authority as a crackheaded summer action flick *statement* on the *taste* of COMICS READERS. You're SUPPOSED to be writing the goddamn LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES. Not fucking Warhammer 40K novels. ARGH ARGH ARGH moving on.
3) O hai, Gail Simone! You don't suck! I hold out hope for this serie-- oh. You're writing a series cap. Cancellation. Right. Okay. I...
4) ... what?
5) Uh. Okay...
6) When did we become the X-Men? Isn't this 'feared and hated by those who we're sworn to protect' thing a little old?

WTF guys.

Since 1999. That's nine years of this. Nine years of constantly changing your bloody minds. Nine years of 'but the kids love that dark shit, right?' Nine years of 'grit and angst sell'. I thought that went out in the mid-90s. I thought that went out with Liefeld. I thought that went out with extraneous straps and belts and shoulderpads.

Then again, I also thought that since the Legion-as-gritty-future had been done *well* once and rebooted, you guys wouldn't try doing the Legion-as-gritty-future *badly*. Fuck you and fuck your weaselly message-board toadies who think Mark Millar is a genius instead of a goddamn hack.

I THOUGHT THAT COMICS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

This shit just makes me tired.

PS I hate everything.

PPS I hate the fact that I finally understand the POV that hated *my* Legion. But I don't think I can forgive the ones that still hate mine but like the new one.

Oh em gee, Lyle, you saw this coming.

They're scheduled to come out starting August 3rd, ending August 30th. The characters involved will be Superman-when-he-was-a-boy, Timber Wolf, Lightning Lad, Brainiac 5, Bouncing Boy, Mano, Tharok, and Validus.

Because the girls don't want the grease on them.

Click on the thumbnail for the big version.

Gotten from elsewhere7, the Oath and then the Legionnaires on viewscreens at the end:

"To the Legion of Superheroes, I make this solemn Pledge: To use my powers for good, to fight for Justice and protect the innocent, to aid my fellow Legionnaires in times of peril, and to keep their secrets safe. I choose a new name to honor the heroes of the past. I am...Timber Wolf."

As it pans, we see: Colossal Boy, Triplicate Girl, Blok, Element Lad, Phantom Girl, Dream Girl, Sun Boy, Cosmic Boy, Tyroc, and Shrinking Violet.

Torrent is currently here.

GOD. I can't wait for the TOYS.

1) Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Live Wire
2) Apparition, Triad
3) Leviathan (d), Invisible Kid, XS, Chameleon, Kid Quantum I (d)
4) Brainiac 5, Spark
5) Andromeda, Shrinking Violet, Kinetix
6) Superboy (hon)
7) Star Boy, Gates
8) M'Onel, Ultra Boy, Element Lad
9) Magno, Umbra, Sensor
10) Monstress
11) Kid Quantum II, Karate Kid
12) Thunder
13) Wildfire
14) Bouncing Boy
15) Shikari, Timber Wolf, Gear
16) Polar Boy
17) I-45 (hon), Supergirl (Cygnus, voted in later as such)
18) Dreamer, Superman (hon)
19) Matter-Eater Lad, Fortress Lad (hon)
20) Sun Boy
21) Catalyst
22) Impulse (hon)

-= Legion of Superheroes =- DDR Champion 3005, Lyle Norg looks up from new comics, points and laughs at Cos.
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy O.O
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "What now??"
-= Legion of Superheroes =- DDR Champion 3005, Lyle Norg | "I don't know, Thom. I've never felt this way around anyone. The closer she gets, the more my stomach sort of...flip-flops. Is this what it feels like to fall in love?"
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "Around /who/??"
-= Legion of Superheroes =- DDR Champion 3005, Lyle Norg says, "You get one guess."
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "KARA WHORE-EL"
-= Legion of Superheroes =- DDR Champion 3005, Lyle Norg says, "Bingo."
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "That's it. Now we KNOW she's a Mary Sue."
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "Jesus motherfuckin' christ."
-= Legion of Superheroes =- Cosmic Boy says, "My taste gets worse and worse every boot."
-= Legion of Superheroes =- DDR Champion 3005, Lyle Norg gets the dartboard, puts Waid's face on it...