I really liked the last one except for the final five lines; it was pretty interesting at the beginning and sort of fell apart at the end, when subtlety and imagery gave way to blatant statement.
I generally don't critique things, as I have too much editorial gene and no tact, but I admired that one enough that the ending bugged me -- I thought the poem as a whole was good, and it could be better with a little tweaking.
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Critique, since you ask
Date: 2004-09-26 07:05 am (UTC)I generally don't critique things, as I have too much editorial gene and no tact, but I admired that one enough that the ending bugged me -- I thought the poem as a whole was good, and it could be better with a little tweaking.