evilbeej | Flah. Bullshit.

Look through any window, yeah, what do you see? The issue I've got with just writing until words come out and there are words that other people don't have to look at because they're bullshit, just writing for the sake of it, until it doesn't suck anymore, is that I have the words of so many other people already in my head. They fall out. They drape themselves across my field of vision and then I can't see what I'm trying to think about long enough to actually set it down. Borrowed thoughts.

On PI, there was a lot of that going on as a posing style. On MU, too. Different places, that was cool, that was good. That was acceptable. Narration through reference. It's a valid style. It's a valid way of communication. Hell, if Bumblebee could get away with it instead of actually *talking* in the Michael Bay TF movie, I should be able to get away with it, too.

But it's fucking *lazy*. I need to be able to put in the *atmosphere* I'm looking for, I need to be able to put down the dialogue, the actual useful narration, the actions, the words. I need, I think, to try my hand at scripting for a while. Television, comic book. Purely visual. The most I'd be describing is body language, positioning, blocking. Show, don't tell. Show, don't refer. Show, don't hand in a Works Cited page.

I can talk and talk and talk out loud, but writing--

--I'm better than I was. I can *roleplay* after all. I'm good. Some days I'm better than others. Sleeping helps. Red Bull helps. I'd like more focus because I miss being able to write or RP with music on, and right now, I can't. It cuts in too much. Too much information, info overload, all the input has the same value, it's incredibly hard to filter it and sort it. Like the people at work learning what a terrifically bad idea it is to try and talk to me while I'm on the phone. Ahahaha no don't. I bite.

Why is it harder to write than it is to RP? Lack of a sounding board, for one. Responsible for more than one character, for another. Responsible for the multiple parts of an interaction. Responsible for a plot. I've had this discussion so many times. I've been told a plot is just coherent movement from one part to the next, something where something happens. It can be completely character based. That should be easy, but it's not. I have to have something for them to react *to*. I keep feeling like my hands are tied. I've been told that I -do- have ideas, I do have things that would make great plots, but I can't think of what to actually *do* with them.

I wish I had a goddamn ATTENTION SPAN. Why is it so hard to RP? Tired, unfocused, distracted, blah blah blah. Sometimes I can sit down and actually write something, mostly I can't. Right now I'm just writing this and bitching and it's not creative writing but at least it's writing. Words in my head, now on the screen. Hurray.