Collegebound #1

From: Bart Allen <allenb@mail.manchester.k12.al.us>
Subject: Semi-professional query!
Date: May 25, 2005 8:20:19 AM EDT
To: Ray Palmer <rpalmer@ivy.edu>

...wow, this is incredibly awkward.

Hi.

Dr. Faulkner at S.T.A.R. Labs referred me to you, because I asked her if she could get me in touch with anyone in academia that could keep a secret ID under wraps, should a hero decide to pursue a degree with the use of his powers--

Let me start over.

You know me, I'm Impulse, Barry Allen's grandson. I'm graduating high school this June, and most of my friends are going to college. A lot of them want me to go, too, but if there's one thing high school taught me, it's that I can't stand sitting through classes. They make me die a little on the inside!! Seriously - it's incredibly hard for me to learn anything from a lecture when I go on about seven mental tangents per word, and that's on a slow day.

But I really, really, really love learning things. And I'd really like to take advantage of what the university system has to offer. Kon - that's Superboy - told me about online courses, which seem ideal to me... except for one problem. The courses are paced for normal people. What I want to do - well, what I really want to do is completely blow my secret ID, because it's holding me back something fierce, but I can't do that yet - so what I'm /looking/ at doing is trying to work out deals with a few universities so that I can go through, learn, and absorb class material for my chosen majors at *my* pace. I guess it's not such a deal if there's only one side of it, though.

I need your help, Ray. I'm not sure if I /can/ do this without breaking any systems. There's reading libraries-- and well, there's having your work checked over, corrected, and guided toward improvement by someone who knows better. And that's what I'd be missing if I /didn't/ go the university route. I don't want to miss out. I want to *understand* stuff, not just know it, flat facts out of books. I want to be able to be creative with stuff, not just repeat it. But I have *so much time* - if I do things at normal speed, I'm *wasting* time.

I'm sorry - this probably sounds whiny, or like I'm looking to be an exception-- I kind of am. But only because I feel like I'll be able to give more back this way. More time to generate left over, you know? Not that anyone ever stops learning, but--

I really hope you get what I'm trying to say. I really hope you read this.

--BA

Silver's Filk!!

***This is to be done to the tune and beat of Eminem's song 'Without Me'.***

Two Legionnaire girls go round the outside
Round the outside
Round the outside
Two Legionnaire girls go round the outside
Round the outside
Round the outside

I've eaten a monster
And nobody wants ta eat space whale at all
Except me and it tastes nasty
Well if you want Ultra then that's what it takes, savvy?
And then you'll be badder than any space navy


This looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Because it's time to save the whole UP
The Legion ain't right without Ultra Me

x2

Little villains
Thugs flyin and stealin
Kidnap and zap all the citizens they can
They start realizin prison is worthless
Until we send their nass to Takron Galtos

A Legionary
The Legion is wary
Careful what they do cuz results vary

A Flight Ring
I have to fight things
That might bite where-there-ain't-no-light things

Sometimes disaster
Comes on faster
Than Ultra powers can meet to master

Testing: The Ultra Speed
A feat from meat instead of weed
If you want one power send for me!


Yeah this looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Because it's time to save the whole UP
The Legion ain't right without Ultra Me

x2

Rocket or sprock it
In my pocket
I got more power than your whole docket
I'm Ultra and you can't even mock it
Make me go flash vision and melt your sprockin head

Imra Ardeen
You psycho beauty queen
You don't even know who you want to make hardeen
Play my head
Like I'm made of legos
Serve you right if it got you preggo

Brin Londo
You think you're James Bond, oh?
You're a Wolverine ripoff in search of a ho
That ain't Tinya
One touch and I skin ya
Wipe up some nass with a rag that's been ya!

And Winema
You need an enema
You act like some kinda horror cinema
You're kinda hot
But holy grife
You're daughter's hotter and she's my wife!


Oh this looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Because it's time to save the whole UP
The Legion ain't right without Ultra Me

x2

Jo Nah Nah Nah Nah,
Jo Nah Nah Nah Nah,
Jo Nah Nah Nah Nah,
Jo Nah Nah Nah!

***

...please don't kill me.

-Jo